


Say Something

by BoldlyProcrastinate



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Eventual Johnlock, Feelings, M/M, Nightmares, Post Reichenbach, Unrequited Love, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-05 06:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoldlyProcrastinate/pseuds/BoldlyProcrastinate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock returns but John is very upset and angry with him for it. There are things that Sherlock holds back and things that John does not notice. The changes in Sherlock and John's attitude initially cause a strain on the friendship both men want to and need to rekindle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set right at Sherlock return and then what happens as time goes on.
> 
> *I suck at summaries. Sorry :)

When Sherlock walked through the door of 221B, John’s initial reaction was complete and utter shock. So much so that before he knew it, he had tackled the tall detective and thrown a very strong punch to the man’s nose. Upon gaining some control of himself he got up and allowed the detective to do the same. He walked off to the kitchen and Sherlock followed, holding his bleeding nose.

Once he and Sherlock had gotten to the kitchen table and Sherlock had a dishtowel to his nose did John finally find some ability to say something to the detective.

“Sherlock, what the HELL is this?” John said with a slightly raised voice. How could Sherlock be sitting here? He had seen everything. Had buried the man. “I saw you jump! I took your pulse! You were dead!”

Sherlock seemed to have shrunken a bit at the volume of John’s voice, “John, you had to believe that I was dead. It was the only way to save you Mrs. Hudson, and Lestrade”

“You should have come to me! I could have helped you!”

“John! The only way for you to have lived was for you to believe that I was dead! If for a second the shooter did not believe your reaction to me being dead, he would have killed you. It was a risk that I was unwilling to take.”

Sherlock was looking at John and seeming to practically beg John to understand him but all John could feel was anger. He could have shouted for hours, days even. Sitting there and looking at Sherlock-alive-and thinking about all of this just exhausted him.

“Look Sherlock. I’m going to bed. When I can calm down and wrap my head around this some more, we’ll discuss things. For now, I need some space”

At this Sherlock looked a bit hurt. Some part of John was screaming to simply hug the detective and welcome him back but he was simply too angry for that. He instead got up from the table and went to head up to his room.

Just as he started up the steps, he sighed and quietly said “Sherlock, you’re welcome to stay. This is as much your home as it is mine. Your room is as you left it.”  
“Thank you John”

John got up to his room and collapsed onto his bed. A part of him wanted so badly to forgive Sherlock but he simply couldn’t. It wouldn’t be that simple. He’d been torn to pieces that horrid day that Sherlock jumped. He hadn’t realized how much he cared for the man until the moment he lost him.

Now, Sherlock was back and he had no idea where things would go from here. Hell, he wasn’t even sure of where to start.

 

~~~~~~

It wasn’t until the third night after Sherlock’s return that John was able to calmly sit and listen to what Sherlock had to say.

He listened to Sherlock talk about his reasons for why he jumped. He listened as Sherlock described the expanse of Moriarty’s web and how far he had traveled to get to each member of the web. He said that each one of them were never going to be a worry for John or anyone else. Apparently, it had taken longer than he anticipated and for that he said he was sorry. Much of the detail on how Sherlock had found the member of Moriarty’s web was left out. 

While he talked about all of this, he never once looked at John and he was exceptionally monotonous for a man who loved to endlessly talk about what he was capable of. He kept is eyes on his feet through the entirety of his explanation. When he had said all he wanted to say, he looked up at John as if waiting for some sort of response.

All John could manage to get out at first was “Okay”. With that Sherlock laid on the couch and stared up at the ceiling, just as he used to do.

After some time John finally spoke up, “Thank you for telling me what you did. And…for doing what you did.”

Sherlock just stared at John without saying anything but a slight look of relief had come across his face.

John continued, “that being said, I am still angry with you but, I do forgive you”

Sherlock went back to staring at the ceiling and whispered “Thank you, John.”

John then got up and made them a cup of tea hoping things would now start to go slightly back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this was originally going to be different but I heard "Say Something" on the radio the other day and it just seemed right for this.  
> here is the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC8tP9Oo52Y  
> It's really good :)
> 
> ~~~~~~  
> I'm very new to fiction writing. This is actually the first fictional piece I've ever written. Please feel free to comment. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I'll try to update often seeing as I'm on holiday from college.


	2. Chapter 2

The next week had gone by slowly. John and Sherlock seemed to be attempting to get back into a somewhat normal lifestyle again. John made the tea, bought milk, and they had even taken on a case which Sherlock, of course, solved with ease. What John started to notice as time went on, were small things about Sherlock that were different.

The first instance that John saw something odd, he initially thought nothing of it. He had been making breakfast and Sherlock was at the table just John move around the kitchen when John knocked a pan onto the floor. John jumped back and swore loudly but what was shocking was the reaction Sherlock had. The man jumped up so suddenly that he nearly fell from his chair.

At first, John was a bit curious about it but then decided Sherlock had probably just been deep in his “mind palace”…Even Sherlock could be startled.

~~~~~

It was going into about the second week since Sherlock had returned that John started to pay more attention to the differences in the detective’s character.

All sorts of noises, especially loud ones, left the detective flinching or jumping up from wherever he was seated. 

Sherlock was taking cases but they were not cases that would be much more than a 5, maybe a 6. On top of that, he never really pursued a case. He took them but had no itch to go out and solve one.

The other change that John thought he would have liked not having was Sherlock’s playing of the violin at all times. Since he had been back, the violin had yet to leave its case. It was something that John was actually starting to miss.

John was beginning to worry about Sherlock and he wanted to know more. Something else was wrong. There had to have been things that Sherlock had not told him. So, one night after dinner, John gingerly asked “Sherlock, are you ok?”

Sherlock, without even seeming to acknowledge John, “What do you mean?”

John sighed. “Look Sherlock. You’re…different. I mean…I know you went through quite a bit and it has been a long time but something about you has changed. You say you’re alright but I really don’t believe you.”

Rather flatly, Sherlock stated “I have absolutely no idea what you could possibly be talking about John. I am perfectly fine so---“

John was starting to get frustrated and he cut SHerlock off. “Sherlock! Don’t lie to me! I can tell that something is wrong. I’ve known you long enough to know when you aren’t ok.”

“Well then you don’t know me as well as you believed because you obviously cannot see that I am clearly fine.”

“No you’re not fine! There is nothing about you currently that is what I knew of the man from two years ago. There aren’t body parts in the fridge, you never have any sort of experiment going on that makes me worry about being poisoned, you haven’t even touched your violin, and to top it all off, you rarely seem eager for a case let alone to leave the flat” John had started to raise his voice towards the end which caused Sherlock to flinch ever so slightly.

“You see Sherlock?! That’s what I’m talking about! You flinch at loud noises and raised voices. The man I knew was never intimidated or scared. The man in front of me right now, is scared of something.” 

John looked down at his feet wondering if he’d gone too far. When he looked up, Sherlock was staring at him with a blank face. 

“Sherlock, please talk to me. I want to help you. I’m your friend.” John put his hand over Sherlock’s “What is it that you’re so afraid of?”

For a few seconds, Sherlock just sat there, looking at John’s hand before he suddenly yanked his away. He stood up in a flash and in a very tight voice said “John, whatever it is that you think you are seeing, you are very mistaken about it. Even if something were wrong, it is my own business and I would handle it on my own so I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop trying to make something out of nothing”

With that, Sherlock quickly left the table and went to his room, slamming the door shut.

~~~~~

John’s disastrous talk with Sherlock had not made anything better as he had hoped. In fact, things were worse.

Not only was John still worried over Sherlock’s behavior but Sherlock was now not speaking to him. He rarely said anything to John. If he did say anything, it was at a crime scene or when absolutely necessary. He didn’t even ask for John to get him his phone from someplace very close to him. Whenever they did actually speak to one another with more than a few words coming out of it, an argument was the result. It didn’t really matter what John would say because Sherlock would be cruel and push all the buttons John had until John would snap. 

John was beginning to feel like the Sherlock he knew and loved had not come back. In all his time with Sherlock he never had realized how truly in love with the man he was until the day Sherlock jumped. It was only then that he could see how far he had fallen for the detective and how much he regretted never telling him so. 

When Sherlock came back, he thought he could be happy again and maybe express those feelings to Sherlock at some point. Now, he didn’t know Sherlock anymore. He could tell something wasn’t right but he couldn’t figure out what that was. It seemed as though rather than letting John help him and rekindling their friendship, Sherlock was doing everything he could to push them further apart…What hurt the most was that Sherlock was succeeding in doing that.

All John could hope for at this point was that things would get better as time went on and that this was just something they had to deal with for now. John hoped that everything would get better sooner rather than later. He loved Sherlock so much and wanted to tell the wonderful man how he felt but he was reaching the end of his rope. He didn’t really know how much more he could take.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the last month or so things between John and Sherlock hadn’t really gotten any worse…they hadn’t exactly gotten better either.

Sherlock and John had taken on quite a few cases but none of them were of great interest in John’s mind. They weren’t even ones that John bothered to blog about. They seemed more like ways to pass the time and as a way for Sherlock to keep John from worrying over him.

Sherlock still was not playing his violin nor was he doing any experiments (John was actually missing the fear he had when he used to walk in the kitchen when Sherlock had experiments). Worse, he and Sherlock still were not talking. John had not asked Sherlock about anything pertaining to his time away or what he was hiding from John since that first disastrous attempt. He was worried that if he pressed the issue, it would make things worse than they already were and he wasn’t sure if he was up for losing Sherlock again.

Sherlock was very rarely the one who said anything to John It was always John trying to start a conversation. It was always John attempting to start any sort of conversation. He’d ask Sherlock if he wanted tea or what he wanted to eat, all of which generally resulted in quick, short answers. John tried to get Sherlock to discuss cases or even to talk about old cases and experiments from before everything had happened but the man would not open up about anything anymore. The only time he truly spoke to John with more than a few words was when they were at a crime scene. Those talks, however, weren’t exactly something to be seen as an improvement.

Much of the time, Sherlock was either giving John orders rather than asking for his opinion as he used to do or he was spending the time insulting John and telling him how much of an “idiot” he truly was. Sherlock never said anything like that in front of Lestrade and the others from the yard. Because of this, John simply did his best to ignore it. There was, however, a case that was different and changed things.

~~~~~~

After a few months of the boring cases, Lestrade came by with a case that John figured would have ranked in the likes of a seven. Maybe even an eight. John was ecstatic. He figured that it was exactly what Sherlock needed to get a bit back to normal. It had been a few months since Sherlock had come back and John was hoping that this case would be something that the man needed and now was the right time for it to come along. Not much else had helped and he figured there couldn’t be much more damage done at this point. So, with some brilliant convincing and an exceptional amount of stubbornness on Lestrade’s part, Sherlock finally agreed to take the case.

When they arrived at the scene, John saw a small bit of the old Sherlock when he looked at the man’s face. That all changed when Sherlock actually made it into the warehouse and saw the two victims. Something about the scene made Sherlock go pale. He suddenly had his emotionless, cold mask back on. All the excitement that John had seen only seconds before was gone and he couldn’t explain why. What came with this coldness was a whole new level of cruelty directed specifically at John.

Rather than being silent in his insults, Sherlock didn’t hold back one bit. He shouted at John. Told him he was an “insufferable idiot”, “completely ignorant”, and “utterly useless” among other things. The entire group from the Yard could hear everything and all of them had stopped their work in shock of it.

Lestrade finally snapped out of shock himself and forcefully said “Enough Sherlock! John doesn’t deserve any of that! He’s your friend and you---“

John, coming a bit out of his shock, cut Lestrade off saying “it’s fine Greg….just, leave it. Sherlock, I’ll be waiting out front until you’re done here.” 

With that, John went outside and waited for Sherlock. After another fifteen minutes, Sherlock rushed out and past John, only uttering “case solved” as he hailed a cab.

The ride back to Baker Street was tense. As John processed what Sherlock had done, he became angrier and fed up with all of it. He couldn’t understand why Sherlock had been that way! He’d taken it all so quietly and tried to brush it off over the months but this was different. Sherlock had hurt him more this time than any of the other times since he’d come back.

When they arrived back, Sherlock left the cab and went straight in. John quickly paid the driver and rushed in. He was angry and he wasn’t going to let Sherlock just continue on with this. Not this time. He rushed up the stairs and started yelling before Sherlock could sit in his chair.

“Sherlock! What the HELL was that for?!?”

Sherlock, “whatever do you mean John?”

“You know damn well what I mean! I’ve put up with the insults and the silence from you for some time now and I’m sick of it! ALL OF IT!”

Sherlock simply stared at John so John continued his yelling. “How can possibly act like this? I’m your friend Sherlock and you have been treating me like shit since you’ve come back. I forgave you! I let you back into my life! I wanted us to be friends again because I l-care about you. I don’t think I deserve any of this!”

“What would you like John?! A medal?!” Sherlock said with such venom in his voice and such a look in his eyes that John was hurt and angered with the man even more.

“Are you serious? How can you be such an ass?!? I saw the look in your eyes when we first got to the crime scene today. It was like looking at the old Sherlock again. Then, you see the victims and suddenly that is gone and you go cold and treat me cruelly.” John sighed at the end of all this. 

Sherlock quietly said “then why don’t you just leave?”

John was shocked and thought he had to be hearing things. “What was that?”  
Sherlock, seeming to have gained his voice back, clearly and loudly stated “Why don’t you just leave then?”

John didn’t even know how to react. He was so hurt at this point that he couldn’t yell or be angry. “Is that what you want Sherlock? You want me to just leave? Maybe I will then…I can’t take much more of this. I’ve tried so hard to be around you and to accept this new person that you’ve become but I’m not sure I can anymore. All you seem to want to do is cause me pain…”

Sherlock coldly said “Well when you figure out exactly what it is you are going to do, do let me know.”

With that, Sherlock left for his room slamming the door while John was left standing in shock in the living room, unsure of what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be a slight change in that it will be right after this but from Sherlock's perspective. I feel like this is the best way to tie in what I want to do with the story. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is told from Sherlock's POV. It is more of a look at what is going through his mind currently.

Sherlock slammed the door behind him and then leaned against the wall, letting his body slide down it. He curled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. His mind was racing.

How could he have told John to leave? The words had come out in the heat of the moment. He hadn’t even meant it...not truly. Once he said them the first time, he knew there was no going back. John had heard him. That was obvious. He was just too shocked by the words to fully acknowledge so it made no difference if he repeated them or not. Sherlock was scared now…he couldn’t lose John again.

When he was coming back after destroying Moriarty’s web, all he could think of was being able to see John again. He had missed his dear friend so much. Things had taken so much longer than he had anticipated them to. In that time away, he came to realize how much John truly meant to him.

For the longest time, he tried to just tell himself that John was only a friend and he was really just homesick. He kept on thinking of John however and never really thinking of anyone else. Sure, he missed them all-Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson, Molly-but he never really thought about them in the same way or felt the same things for them. He came to see that he had strong feelings about John which he then started to equate with the feeling of love. In the end, those feelings for John were what kept him going.

Sherlock knew the consequences in jumping off St. Barts and in not letting John in on his plan. He knew that John would be angry. He expected to be yelled at, punched, and to have John tell him to stay out of his life. Never in his time any way did he see him reacting any differently. He knew that John cared for him but he also knew how horrible his actions were. John merely punching him once and then, letting him stay at Baker Street, their home, shocked him. He never anticipated being able to actually return to the flat…at least, not at first.

In his first days back, he knew John was upset so he didn’t push too much. He did what he could to be polite and he waited for John to be ready. He also knew that he was different from the way he was. Certain things made him uneasy but he figured he could deal with that while John was still too angry with him to notice it so much. 

What threw him was John noticing these things much sooner than he was ready. He was able to hide most of what had happened to him while away until he felt like he could talk to John about it. There were certain things that, though he wanted to, he could not prevent from showing such as his flinching at noises or not taking on any cases. These are the things John noticed and when John questioned him, he didn’t know what to do. How could he tell John everything he’d been through when he didn’t even know where to start? What if John heard it all and left him? What would he do then? So, instead of actually talking about things, he pushed it all aside and told John there was nothing wrong which really just ended up creating more tension between them.

To try to repair some of the damage caused by this incident, Sherlock figured he could take on small cases to try to get back some sort of normality in his life. He never expected the cases to cause more problems. They made him remember things that he kept on trying to forget. When he saw them, he saw the people from Moriarty’s web that he had killed. Remembering those people brought back the pain he went through while away. They brought back the nightmares and those nightmares made Sherlock uneasy which made things even worse.

He never intended for things with John to get as bad as they had. The silence increased with the nightmares and lack of sleep. He didn’t want the silence at all but as time went on, it got harder and harder to attempt to talk with John about things. He found himself saying things to John that he didn’t mean. He was cold and he kept on pushing John away. He continued to take the cases in the hopes that he’d simply adjust after some time and be ok. He was starting to feel a bit more comfortable and able to handle everything when the case from today came up.

He really wasn’t sure of the case when Lestrade showed up. All he know was that the two victims marked the sixth and seventh for this killer. He didn’t want the case because of the description but the look on John’s face as he pushed Sherlock to take it on made him feel like he should take it. He wanted to make John happy and to try to fix the relationship he had broken so he decided to go ahead. That being said, he worried that the issues he’d had creep up while working on smaller cases would rear their ugly heads with this one. 

For a change, he was upset that he’d be correct.

They spent their initial time trying to find the location of the victims. The killer had left very clever clues as to where to find the bodies. It took around an hour to figure where the victims were and nearly another hour to actually get to the bodies. The process leading up to finding the bodies made Sherlock feel somewhat whole again. It felt right to back working on a new case with John. It wasn’t until he actually got to the victims that something inside him snapped.

It was clear that they had been tortured and put through hell before they were killed. This realization brought back all of his nightmares. Everything he had been trying so desperately to delete from his memory came flooding to the front of his mind. All of the anger and fear that came with those memories were let loose on John in the worst way possible. He had no filter and no way to stop anything that came out of his mouth but he regretted every word of it.

Seeing the victims made him remember Moran and all that Moran had put him through.

Moran was the last and worst of the members of Moriarty’s web that had to be taken down. The problem with Moran was that he was clever. Much more clever than Sherlock had ever anticipated. Because of this, Moran was able to catch Sherlock. When he came to, he was in a dark room, strapped to a table with practically nothing on.

Moran came in periodically to beat and torture him. He rarely ate or drank and after a bit, he’d lost track of the hours and days he’d been in that wretched room. At some point, he was unsure of whether or not he could continue on with any of it. Moran was doing a number on him. 

What changed this was when Moran threatened John’s life once he had finished Sherlock off. Hearing that made Sherlock realize that he had to get out and he had to kill Moran. He was not going to let this monster harm John. Finally, a day came where Moran, thinking Sherlock was too beaten down to fight back, left him untied. Sherlock took his chance and was able to catch Moran off guard. It took some time, but he managed to kill the man. 

After this, he found that he had been in there for ten days. The damage Moran caused left him unable to return to Baker Street and to John for another two weeks. He couldn’t let John see everything that had happened. He didn’t like the scars he had gained.

The problem now was that he was remembering all of this. In remembering this, he’d hurt John. He’d pushed him even further away and now he may have lost him altogether. The one person in the world that he truly cared about…and loved.

But maybe it was better to push John away. Sherlock was beginning to think that he never should have come back to John. Maybe John would have been happier without him. He definitely wouldn’t be getting hurt by Sherlock a second time as he was now.

He’d been sitting for hours thinking all this through. It was now close to midnight. John was still up. He could hear him putting his tea cup in the sink and then sitting at the kitchen table, tapping his thumbs probably trying to figure out what he should do now. 

All Sherlock wanted to do at this point was to try and sleep in hopes of relaxing his mind. Maybe if he slept, things would be better in the morning. He got up and changed into a pair of pajama pants and curled under his covers.

~~~~

_Sherlock was back in a dark room only this time, he was tied to a chair. A light suddenly turned on showing that horrid table which had someone different strapped to it. To Sherlock’s horror, it was John._

_He tried to call out but he found himself gagged. He tried to break free from the chair but it was bolted down and he was securely tied to it. Then, the door opened and Moran walked in._

_“Look what I’ve got here. Sherlock’s little pet.” He said with a horrid smile._

_He then started to beat John and inflict the tortures and pain that Sherlock was all too familiar with._

_John kept on calling out to Sherlock, begging him to save him. Asking him why he wasn’t trying._

_It was horrible and it seemed endless. Sherlock could do nothing but sit there in pure terror as John went through that. ___

__He suddenly heard his name called out but it wasn’t with pain or agony. It sounded more of fear and panic._ _

__The next thing he knew, the despicable images of the nightmare vanished and someone had their arms wrapped around him._ _


	5. Chapter 5

John had been sitting and thinking for quite some time now. He had attempted to do things like cleaning the flat or reading in hopes of putting everything that had happened with Sherlock out of his mind but none of it worked. He just kept thinking about what Sherlock had said to him and how hurt he was by it all.

He had not heard anything from Sherlock since the man had stormed off into his room. He ate dinner alone and downed two shots of whiskey before he sat down and started to think everything through.

He had gone through everything in his mind of these last few hours. Everything that was different about Sherlock that he had noticed since his return. He’d thought out and calculated every flinch the man had made, every insult he’d thrown, and every other aspect of his friend that had changed so much over their time apart. He knew there had to be something else he had missed. There was something more that happened to Sherlock than what he was actually telling John. He just had to figure out what that was.

The idea of moving out of the flat was like a double-edged sword. On one hand, it would be so much easier for him to leave and to not have to endure anymore pain caused by Sherlock. At the same time, he didn’t want to lose Sherlock nor did he feel he could leave knowing that his friend was not ok.

John sat and thought about all of this well past midnight, He started to think that sleep may be the best bet at this point. Maybe he would have a solution or at least a plan in the morning.

It was when John walked past Sherlock’s door that he heard something out of the ordinary.

It sounded as though someone were sobbing. He figured he had to be tired and stressed. He’d never even seen Sherlock cry let alone heard it. Then, he suddenly heard his name called out in a frantic, pained voice. There was no mistaking Sherlock’s voice being the one calling out at that point. Realizing this, John opened the door quickly.

When he looked in, he saw Sherlock covered in sweat and thrashing around on the bed, clearly in distress. What he also saw was Sherlock’s torso, covered in scars. Scars that had not been there before the fall and one’s that genuinely nauseated him.

He snapped out of his shock when he heard Sherlock whimpering. He placed a hand on him and tried to gently wake Sherlock but it was no use. He then shook him and called his name out, beginning to panic a bit.

Finally, Sherlock opened his eyes and stopped thrashing around. He looked so scared and hurt. He looked as though he was on the verge of tears. At that, John wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. In doing so, Sherlock started to silently cry, his face buried into John’s chest, soaking the front of his jumper.

He continued to cry for quite some time and John sat there soothing him with words and rubbing his back. When Sherlock finally did stop and sighed shakily, John unwrapped his arms and pulled away from him.

Sherlock wouldn’t look up at him and in a raspy voice, “I’m ok…sorry I worried you. You don’t have to stay.”

John was shocked that Sherlock was apologizing for his nightmare. “There is nothing you need to apologize for. And, clearly, you are not ok….I’m not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” John smiled and Sherlock seemed to relax a bit.

John hesitantly asked, “Do you want to try to talk about what happened?” 

Sherlock looked up again at John with still watery eyes, “I’m not sure”

“How about this: You go back to sleep and we’ll talk about it in the morning. Does that sound ok to you?”

Sherlock nodded. John got up to remove his shoes but before he could get up, Sherlock grabbed his arm.

“Stay. _Please _”__

__“Of course I wasn’t going to leave. I just wanted to take my shoes off. There’s no way I’d be leaving you alone whether you liked it or not” John then took his shoes off and climbed back into Sherlock’s bed. He sat behind Sherlock and wrapped his arms around him, pulling them down onto the bed. Then, he pulled the duvet up and around them._ _

__Sherlock whispered “Thank you” before falling asleep moments later. With that, John sighed, held onto Sherlock a bit tighter, and allowed himself to fall asleep. They were going to be talking for quite some time tomorrow from the looks of it._ _


	6. Chapter 6

John found that waking up in Sherlock’s bed, with his arms still wrapped around Sherlock, was the most pleasant way he could possibly imagine waking up. Sherlock was now facing him. He clearly had been awake for some time and definitely been thinking things over.

John smiled at him, still a bit drowsy “Good morning. I hope you got some sleep.”

“I did. Thank you John for…staying last night. I appreciated it.”

“You don’t have to thank me Sherlock. You’re my friend and someone I care about so much. There is absolutely no way I would have left you all alone.”

Sherlock smiled ever so slightly at that. John then decided to sit up “Why don’t I go make us something to eat and a cuppa tea and then we can talk?”

“Yes” Sherlock said. He then got up and put on a shirt and his robe. He followed John to the kitchen.

John spent the next few minutes quietly cooking. Sherlock sat still as a statue at the table and watched. John continued to try to think about how exactly to approach the situation. He’d had his share of nightmares due to PTSD so he could understand, to an extent, what Sherlock was going through but, he also understood that each person’s reaction to this type of thing was different. Sherlock definitely was not the average person. John never imagined seeing Sherlock as he saw him last night. The state he was in definitely explained to John a part of the changes Sherlock had undergone. Now it was about finding out what caused all of it.

John decided that it would be best to have Sherlock eat before they started to talk. Neither one of them said anything as they ate their breakfast. When Sherlock seemed to just be pushing food around the plate John figured it was time start talking about things. He grabbed Sherlock’s plate. “Why don’t we go sit on the couch to talk about all this?”

Sherlock nodded and went to the couch. John came and sat next to him, waiting for a sign from Sherlock saying that he was ready. He eventually looked up and John and John could see how nervous and frightened Sherlock looked. He placed his hand over Sherlock’s and gave a reassuring squeeze and smiled. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Sherlock sighed. “Where should I start?”

“Anywhere you think best”

“Then I guess I should start with explaining how I obtained the scars. I know that you saw them and explaining them will make the nightmare easier to understand and explain.”

With that, Sherlock told John everything he had left out from his original account of his time away. He went into detail about all the people he’d had to kill and how much it haunted him. He started to stare off, clearly thinking about these moments too much so John interrupted at this point. “Hey. You still here?”

Sherlock nodded and then continued on. When he started to talk about Moran, his voice dropped and he sounded like he may cry again. John wanted to say something but he figured interrupting would only make it harder for Sherlock to talk about it. Instead he watched and listened as Sherlock talked about Moran and the tortures he was put through. His vision seemed completely focused on John’s hand over his, almost as though he were waiting for the hand to pull away and the world to come crashing down around him.

He finished this portion of what he had to say after some time, sounded broken. Rather than stopping to relax a bit, he went straight into talking about the nightmare, probably in fear that he wouldn’t be able to discuss it if he did stop. He told John all everything that happened in the terrifying nightmare. He explained that most of the time, his nightmares consisted of him being tortured and how he figured he’d just be able to adjust to it so he never thought to talk to John about it. However, when the nightmare consisted of John being tortured, it was something he could not handle and John saw the result of that.

By the time Sherlock had finished, John was at a loss for words. He sat there, staring at Sherlock who was finally looking up at John’s face. John collected himself after a few seconds, “Why didn’t you just tell me this from the start Sherlock?”

Sherlock looked down again. “I was ashamed of my weaknesses both mentally and physically and…of the scars” He drew in a sharp breath, “I was also afraid that you’d be disgusted on top of being angry and you’d leave me. As time went on and you started to notice that I wasn’t myself, I ended up pushing you away more and more and I had no idea of how to bring you back.” By the end of this, Sherlock clearly had tears sliding down his face.

John looked at Sherlock and placed both hands on Sherlock’s face and pulled it up so Sherlock was looking at him. “Sherlock Holmes. You are by no means weak. You are probably-no surely the bravest man I’ve ever known.”

The next thing John knew, he had leaned forward and was kissing Sherlock. At first, Sherlock seemed too shocked to react but, after a second, he was kissing John back. He practically melted into John. 

They finally pulled apart after a few minutes and, before he could even think of it, Sherlock spit out “I love you John”

John beamed, “I love you too, you git” and then resumed kissing his wonderfully beautiful, brave detective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have a short epilogue...kinda more for the holidays and all


	7. Epilogue

It had been a few months since the morning after Sherlock’s nightmare where he and John finally professed their love for one another. 

In the days following the morning after the nightmare, they both spent a great deal of time getting to know each other better and learning about what each had been through while they were apart for those two years. After some time, they announced their relationship to others which resulted more in comments of “Finally” and “Congratulations” than anything else.

Sherlock had gotten back into playing his violin at all hours of the night which John found to be exceptionally peaceful, He also had gotten experiments going again. The difference in those was that they had moved up to John’s old room since John was now sharing Sherlock’s room. He even had a refrigerator up there to store body parts in.

When Christmas came around, John was happy no case came up as it so often did when he and Sherlock had plans. They instead had a small party at the flat with guests including Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, Molly, Donovan, Anderson, and even Mycroft. Much to John’s surprise, Mycroft and Sherlock were polite to one another and behaved very well.

It was now New Years and John and Sherlock were attending the party at the Met. When the ball dropped, Sherlock pulled John in for a deep, passionate kiss.

When they pulled apart, Sherlock put his forehead against John’s and smiled, “to a Happy New Year”

John smiled and pecked him on the lips. “To new beginnings”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those of you that have read this. I hope it wasn't too horrendous for you.
> 
> Have a WONDERFUL New Year and...
> 
> OMG! SHERLOCK IS COMING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!  
>  (may your shock blankets help you through the return)


End file.
